Friday, 10 May 2013

Pants Are So Passé

As I rummaged through my daily dose of rubbishy Facebook/blogosphere news, it struck me, upon seeing several images of today's top fashionistas and world renowned celebrities, that I had been living under a rock for years, as the revelation suddenly hit me: are pants a thing of the past?

If the idea comes as a surprise to you, you should be ashamed of yourself for being so damn retrogade. From Gaga to Madonna to Jessie J, style icons are proudly sporting the new pantless look.


Had I, then, along with the pants-wearing conservatives around me, been living in a backward world these past years, blind to the growing cult of progressiveness that pantslessness represents in a new world order? I had to find out.

I had to get to the bottom of this.

I searched the city for a forward-thinker, for a person who was not afraid to look society and the world in the eye and say 'HEY MAN. I'm not wearing any pants!'

I finally met one: Raj, the old hobo at the end of my street (who has occasionally been accused of throwing betel nuts at pedestrians and yelling at pigeons, but they used to call Einstein a madman in his time!). I asked Raj what pantslessness meant to him, what kept all of society from embracing it as the future, who was his inspiration?

Raj looked me right in the eye, and he told me he did not wear pants because he did not like pants. He enjoyed the airiness of his boxers, he said.

I asked him if the airiness of his boxers was indeed a metaphor for the freedom that the openness of his mind now experienced. He looked at his feet for a moment, and saw some pigeons nearby and ran away chasing after them.

The profundity of the interview was overwhelming.

But I wasn't satisfied, my research was not complete. I wanted to talk to a pants-wearing conservative, and ask them: why do you wear pants? Why are you shackled by these bonds of old conventions? What is keeping you from pantsless freedom?

I approached a few middle-aged women with these riveting questions. One told me she wore pants because otherwise it was too cold (ha! a likely story!), another made a sound of annoyance and walked away muttering expletives (a predictable response from the deluded, close-minded sheep of our pants-wearing society), and the third said to me, 'can you stop this silly nonsense and go and study' (surely an attempt at diverting my attention from my tabooed investigation into the earth shattering phenomenon that is pantslessness! - no matter that the third was my mother).

The search for answers continues. In a world that is slowly gravitating towards eventual pantslessness, led by the wardrobe of obvious forward-minds of the arts and music industry... Are pants, really pants? Or are pants, so much more than they seem?

I never met Raj after that day. Perhaps he is out there now, at this very moment, somewhere... pantsless... And free, truly free.  


  1. Is Pant a thing from Past?!! I don't think so..but without pants (or anything to cover the butt properly) those chicks look hot for sure..

    May be coz of global warming I guess..:))
    Just wanted to comment on the third picture.
    Actually it is from Sri Lanka and this is the traditional dress of indigenous people of Sri Lanka.
    You can see how popular technology is by seeing the mobile phone. hiks..

  2. Ha ha, a good take on this subject.