Monday, 1 October 2012

Attack of the Ninja Rat

There's a rat in my apartment. There are also nine females in it. Behold the formula for chaos.

There was a scream that broke the silence at 3am. People ran to the room from which the scream had come, with deadly broomsticks and rolled-up-newspaper bats in hand. Apparently the evil spawn of satan had been seated in a hole in the wall (the bulb had been recently removed from it), and had been giving the death-stare to its potential victim, who naturally, had screamed for her mummy.

Next, seeking to viciously maul the girl, it climbed out of the hole and down the wirey-pipey stuff that was hanging on the walls, and got itself tangled in the wires. MORE CONFUSION. A brave housemate armed with a broomstick started poking it around, trying to get it to leave. It just scrambled around, and there was a lot of panic and madness as it scurried about. Ultimately, the rat disappeared, but no one knew how. Whether it was lurking inside some nook or cranny, waiting to attack like the spawn of satan it is, or it had run away to get calavry and increase its army of death, no one was certain.

The poor girl asked the broomstick-girl to share the room with her for safety measures. Then in the middle of the night, allegedly she felt a furry thing on her back and there was chaos yet again and the lights were switched on - but the rat was nowhere to be seen. Either she imagined it, or more likely, we had in our midst a creature deadlier than a mere household pest: a ninja rat. They all moved to another room and relative peace was restored.

I had been blissfully oblivious to all this kalabala, fast asleep in my bed, because I have this amazing ability to sleep through an earthquake. So I've never even seen this ninja rat of doom. I've been told it's ugly as the bowels of hell itself, and the size of a grown man's hand, with eyes that stare into the pit of your soul. We've bought rat poison and are going to strategically place it near the doors we suspect it has creeped under.

Personally I feel like this will do nothing, for it is a ninja rat who will leap over these mere mortal obstacles and attack its enemies with the rat karate skills that it has honed for centuries. So I'm expecting to wake up to a blood bath tomorrow. I'm going to sleep with a knife under my pillow and a helmet so it doesn't try to climb into my ears. I could only find a butter knife and a bucket for a helmet, but still.


  1. You should make a secret alliance with the rodent in question. You _can_ afford to scarifies a few housemates can't you?

    By the way I have actually slept through earthquakes. Literally.

    1. I wouldn't mind sacrificing some of my housemates, believe me.
      LOL I'm not surprised considering Japan's earthquakey reputation! :P