Sunday, 16 June 2013

Happy Father's Day.

So it is the day that all our feeds are filled with status updates and cheesy posts about our beloved fathers, and cafes and restaurants proudly advertise discounts in the name of Father's Day on page 1 of the Sunday papers. 'You're my role model', goes one update gushing with emotion, while another one goes 'You taught me everything I know, I'm so proud of you, dad.' What do those of us who don't feel the same way about our dads say on Father's Day?

Happy Father's Day, dad. Growing up I had to listen to you losing your temper a lot, I learnt my first swear words from you at age ten because you were yelling to nobody in particular about something stupid like the curry at lunch, it wasn't cooked well. I used to run to the garden and lie on the grass and stare at the sky because the house was too noisy with all the shouting. It was years till I realized you were so angry all the time not because of anything or anyone in your present, but because of things and people in your past. It was years before you realized that yourself and finally calmed down.

Thank you for not being a perfect dad, for being far from perfect actually. It taught me very early on that people and experiences are not ideal, and that's what life's about, being OK with that. It made me a very strong person because you have to be to survive that. It taught me incredible empathy because I learnt you were a product of bad things that had happened to you before I was even around. And that taught me that we mustn't ever let our bad experiences define us, we're worth more than that.

I thank you for the genes, because I probably I owe my artistic inclinations to you. Thank you for the jazz music playing on your stereo and the water-colour paintings in your drawing book that I loved to look at as a child. Thank you for changing; I love you for becoming a better, kinder person, and I appreciate how hard breaking that cycle must have been for you. Thank you for leaving fruits and a vegetarian cookbook on my table the other day when I said I wanted to be vegetarian, I know random little acts like that is how you love people because you're not the best at expressing yourself.

You're not the best dad in the world and I'm not proud of everything you've done. But I've become who I am because of who you are, and that is worth a lot of love and praise. 

1 comment:

  1. splendid way of words.. And the end just hits..
    I cudnt agree more wiv u.. : )